Establish ground rules. By simply sharing a ground rule like “please participate,” you can encourage people to share their thoughts. If you’re meeting virtually, Gao says this gives people the option to either unmute or type into the chat.
Affirm participation. As the first person answers a question, call them by name and thank them for setting the tone. And if the answer was especially honest or real, you should thank them for that vulnerability, according to Gao.
Don’t rush the first question. Let silence sit, Gao says. If you give people a pass on the very first question, that tone will likely carry over into the rest of the discussion. Resist the temptation to move along too soon.
Wait. Trust the pause. Internal processors need time, Gao says, and waiting a few seconds may yield a rich insight or a vulnerable example.
Use a mental countdown. Feel awkward during silences? Try counting your breath while sitting in silence. Gao also recommends repeating a short mantra. Try out a few and see what works for you.
Name the silence. Say something like, “I know that’s a big question. I’ll give you a moment to reflect.” Gao says the other person may need to go to the edge of their comfort zone to respond to you. Let them know there isn’t a right or wrong answer, which can ease some of the pressure they might be feeling.
Watch the room. According to Gao, you should look for non-verbal cues that the group understands the question. Then, be ready to rephrase or simplify the question as needed. Also, scan the room for that person who seems to be on the verge of answering. Sometimes an encouraging smile or eye contact is all it takes.
As much as you might want to fill the quiet in conversations, learn to sit with the silence. When you give space, whether for internal reflection or external responses, you can create better conversations.
Compiled by Audrey Sellers
Source: Melanie Parsons Gao is a master trainer who contributes to the Crucial Learning blog.
